Lacan on the Self: Identity, Desire, Lack

Lacan’s View: Why The Self Is an Illusion

For the French psychotherapist Jacques Lacan, a lot of what we perceive is deception. Self-understanding for Lacan wasn’t about discovering or uncovering a true or essential version of yourself or seeking clarity or completeness.

For him, understanding yourself meant coming to terms with your identity being shaped by external influences, desires, and even misinterpretations of who you think you are.

Much like Elizabeth Bishop’s exploration of self-awareness, for Lacan, the discovery of yourself is not a gradual unfolding but a profound moment of recognition.

The Mirror Stage: The Birth of “I”

Lacan’s concept of the mirror stage describes the moment a child first recognizes themselves as a distinct entity in a mirror. Imagine a child in front of a mirror, staring at their reflection, suddenly realizing: “That’s me.”

This is the first experience of identifying as an “I.” But as we all know, what you see is often not all there is.

The reflection the child sees is a complete, whole, and unified picture of an idealized self, which is vastly different from the fragmented and chaotic way we experience our own bodies as children.

This gap between how they feel they are and the external image they identify with isn’t something they grow out of.

Instead, it shapes how we define ourselves throughout life.

How External Forces Shape the Self

Think of how much of your own self-understanding is influenced by external representations—the titles you hold, the roles you play, and the responsibilities you are accountable for.

Then consider the media you consume and the idealized versions of these same things.

What we project to the world is often an amalgamation of these influences. Yet it often feels more whole and complete than the world we experience internally.

Here’s an example: think of your interactions with an attractive member of the opposite sex.

The gap between who we present and who we actually feel we are is sometimes at its widest here.

On a first date, we might present a confident version of ourselves while feeling full of anxiety or present a certainty about life where there is actually doubt.

Related Posts:

• Love, Obsession, and the Lie We Tell Ourselves About Desire
• The Hidden Trap of Repetition: Why Your Emotions Deceive You
• Self-Awareness, A Painful Truth: Why Growth Demands Discomfort
• The Self-Mastery Lie: Why You’ll Never Control Your Emotions
• The Authenticity Illusion: Why “Being Yourself” is a Lie

The Role of Language in Defining Identity

This growing self-awareness, for Lacan, isn’t just an experience of the mirror stage. The self is never a solo project.

Your identity and self-awareness are always shaped by encounters with the Other—whether that’s your interactions with people, the cultural and societal expectations you are immersed in, or even the language you use to describe yourself.

Language is particularly important for Lacan because once you’re in it, you can never escape it.

Language always provides a diminished picture of the world.

Think about how you might describe yourself.

Saying something like “I am a father” misses all the nuances of that role in your life. Even if you wrote a full description of what being a father means, it would still leave out unconscious thoughts, emotions, and contradictions.

Every articulation raises the question: What am I leaving out when I define myself this way?

Desire and the Inescapable Gap

So if we get stuck in the gap of the mirror stage and define ourselves through relations to others and language, what is self-awareness for Lacan?

Self-awareness is inseparable from desire because your identity is always driven by a sense of lack—a feeling that something is always missing.

This lack originates in the mirror stage, where one realizes they can never fully become the idealized image they perceive.

We feel this acutely in the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. It’s the drive to strive for more in life—the desire to close the gap.

But when we achieve a goal, we often find the goal has shifted. There’s always another.

This is because the gap can never be fully closed. The ideal will always be out of reach, shifting as we grow. For Lacan, desire isn’t a flaw—it’s the very engine of life.

But it becomes a problem when we forget or lose sight of the fact that we will never feel whole or finished.

---

If this nudges something beneath the surface—something raw, real, or quietly true—step into Emotional Intelligence / Poetic Intelligence. It’s not just about understanding feelings; it’s about navigating power, presence, and perception with depth. For those ready to lead from within.

Read Emotional Intelligence / Poetic Intelligence: The Hidden Cost of Low EQ (Why You’re Failing in Business and Life) 

---

The Three Layers of Self

We must understand that our identity and self-awareness are always in flux, shaped by desires, relationships, and the systems around us.

Like Freud before him, Lacan saw the self as a structure composed of three orders:

1. The Imaginary Order: You form your ego by identifying with external images, like your reflection in the mirror or the roles you play in society.
2. The Symbolic Order: Language and societal structures further shape how you define yourself but limit your ability to fully express who you are.
3. The Real: There’s always a part of you that escapes definition—a raw, unconscious core that disrupts your sense of control and reminds you that you’re not as unified as you think.

Why Self-Awareness Is a Process, Not a Destination

Self-awareness isn’t about finding a fixed, true self.

Instead, it’s a fragmented and evolving process. It’s about understanding that your identity is shaped by external forces, driven by desire, and always changing.

By embracing the complexity of who you are, you can better navigate life with purpose, knowing that self-awareness is not a destination but an ongoing process of discovery.

Lacan’s approach offers a powerful framework for seeing yourself with fresh eyes.

---

Ready to burn your default thinking? Download Dangerous by Design. Discover the 10 books that fracture, interrupt, and rewire the creative mind. Get the guide & read dangerously.

---